Everyone may have had a point in their lives where they had to deal with feelings of abandonment. It may have been as a child seeing your parents going to work and being left with a babysitter. It may be a loss of a parent, friend, significant other. No matter what it may have been, it can be painful. Sometimes it can lead to not being able to trust others, feelings of betrayal and influence relationships in the future.

People with feelings of abandonment can go through different phases

• Initial shock- finding out that someone has left.

• Denial- not wanting to believe that the person has left.

• Withdrawal- not wanting to think about it.

• Self-doubt, self-blame- unsure as to the reason why that person left. Blaming yourself.

• Rage/anger- anger at the person for leaving or anger at others for not understanding your feelings. You may even project your thoughts onto your friends and family members.

• Acceptance- through finding positive coping mechanisms, you come to place of understanding.

Here are the top 3 ways to cope with feelings of abandonment

• Journal- outlining thoughts

  Emotions and feelings of abandonment can be complicated and confusing. There are many types of emotions (anger, sadness, jealousy, etc.) that can be interwined. It can be overwhelming. Writing down emotions and people connected to feelings of abandonment can be therapeutic. It can also help to understand and organize your thoughts and where your feelings are coming from.

• Find coping mechanisms that work for you

  Taking care of yourself is important. Often people find relief in their favorite hobbies whether it be sports, music, art, or reading. It allows you to release emotions in a positive way.

• Talking to someone

  Talk to loved ones can provide emotional support. Also seeking professional help can make a difference. Professionals are trained to provide a therapeutic safe environment. They can also empower an individual to cope effectively with their feelings of abandonment.

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1. Write out a to-do list

   Rather than thinking about the tasks, it can help to organize thoughts when they are on paper or on a computer screen. Sometimes you may find that there are actually not that many things to do or the amount is reasonable. It is also easier to shift around tasks and prioritize.

2. Determine which task is most important

   Figure out why each task is important. Is it because the consequences are severe? Ex. working on an important project for work vs. mowing the lawn. True the grass may grow a little longer, but if you don’t work on the project for work, you could get fired. Another question to ask is whether there is a deadline or not.

3. Estimate how long something may take

   It is also important to estimate how long a task might take. This can allow you to manage time more effectively. Perhaps with a task there may be “downtime.” During that time, you can do something else that needs to be completed.

4. Find a method to organize thoughts/tasks that works for you

   Use paper calendars or online calendar such as google calendar to write out deadlines. Have an effective labeling system whether it be on the computer or on paper. I use both the computer and paper. Sometimes it is easier to write things out on paper, for example like on post-its. On the computer, I use an online to do list called Remember the Milk.

5. Find alternatives

   Some tasks are not so clear cut. What if you had to prioritize between going to your daughter’s soccer match and your son’s soccer match? Things to think about are whether there can be a compromise or whether the task could be delegated.

6. Be flexible

   Everything in your schedule or the way you prioritize can change with new circumstances.
   It is important to continually assess, so that you can prioritize effectively.

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1. We have a lot to juggle

   • At work we have different deadlines and more than one project being thrown at you at once.

   • We have to balance work with life: friends, family, marriage, children, spirituality.

   • At school, there are assignments and projects that need to be completed.

   • We have to maintain extracurricular activities such as sports and various hobbies (art, music).

2. Prioritizing reduces stress

   Stress can come from feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities. Sometimes we might feel like we have so much on our plate that it is impossible to accomplish any of it. Prioritizing is a way where we can systematically organize our tasks, “see” what we need to do and plan the best course of action. People need to feel like they are completing something or else stress accumulates.

3. Puts things into perspective

   Prioritizing allows us to see where we can save time and what we should accomplish first. It allows us to make changes as needed because there is a limit to what each of us can handle.

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING! These are five things that I plan to do today.

• Help cook

  Thanksgiving is usually an extra great feast at my house. I am not a great cook like parents, I usually like to help out and learn a couple of tricks and secrets from the family recipe.

• Watch movies

  Like the rest of the holidays, I value taking it easy. Usually pretty funny comedies or good family movies come out around this time.

• Take a family walk

  Before the tryptophan from the turkey sets in, my family and I usually like to go for a walk. It is nice to have quality time and get exercise at the same time.

• Play golf and practice singing

  Holiday is a great time to get my practice time in. You will see me at the golf course or hear me practicing at home.

• Think about things that I am grateful for:

  • having a career

  • opportunity to receive public education

  • having a roof over my head, as well as food on my plate every day

  • having support from family and friends through ups and downs

  • being bi-cultural

  • finding new interests and new opportunities every day

  • being in a place or position to be able to help others in need

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• Desensitization Exposure Therapy

  This is where you are exposed in a safe and controlled way to the object or situation you fear. It involves gradual encounters with the fear-producing object, first in the imagination and then in reality. For example, if you have are arachnophobic, you would first imagine seeing a spider, then view photos of spiders, and finally look at a spider in real life. As you become desensitized to your fear, you no longer react with uncontrollable panic when confronted by it.

• Participant Modeling

  In participant modeling, the therapist models healthy ways of interacting with the object you fear. In the case of a arachnophobia, you would watch while a therapist handles a spider in a relaxed state and without fear. Then you would be encouraged to do the same.

• Virtual Reality Exposure Therapy

  It uses 3-D computer graphics to simulate environments in the real world that you fear.

• Hypnotherapy

  This consists of systematic desensitization and other therapeutic techniques conducted under hypnosis by a clinical hypnotherapist.

• Medications

  Medications are rarely used in the treatment of specific phobias. However, if you are too anxious to participate in exposure therapy, you may benefit from anti-anxiety medications such as benzodiazepines or beta-blockers.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy:

  It is a form of psychotherapy that emphasizes the important role of thinking in how we feel and what we do. It is structured and therapists teach clients how to do specific techniques.

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Hydrophobics (fear of water)

• Natalie Wood

  She was a famous actress, well known for her roles in Westside Story and Rebel without a Cause. She died drowning in the water from an apparent boating accident, which raised questions.

• Other actresses include Carmen Electra and Michelle Pfeiffer

Arachnophobic (fear of spiders)

• Andre Agassi

  He is a renown Tennis star who won 4 grand slam titles.

Aviophobic (fear of flying)

• John Madden

  He is a famous sports commentator for Monday Night Football. In 1979, he vowed never to fly again and instead drives more than 60,000 miles a year in his 45 foot motor home called the Madden Cruiser.

Clourophobics (fear of clowns)

• Johnny Depp

  Famous actor, nominated for academy awards in films Sweeney Todd, Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, and Finding Neverland.

• Sean “P. Diddy” Combs

  He is a record producer, rapper, entrepreneur. Although he denies it, he is rumored to have a “no clown” clause in his performance contracts.

• Daniel Radcliffe

  Well known for his role as Harry Potter, he despises clowns.

Botanophobic (fear of plants)

• Christina Ricci

  She received her fame as an actress from Adams Family. She believes plants are dirty.

Siderodromophobic (fear of train travel)

• Sigmund Freud

  When the famous Austrian psychiatrist saw the train gas jets, it made him think of souls burning in hell.

Mysophobics (fear of germs)

• Howard Hughes

  Famous aviator and film producer suffered from severe mysophobia toward the end of his life. It is noted that he lay in darkened hotel rooms which he considered a germ-free zone. Leonardo DiCaprio portrayed Howard Hughes’ germ phobia in the movie Aviator

• Donald Trump

  The Real estate mogul is known for not wanting to shake people’s hands.

• Other famous people known for mysophobia are pop singer Michael Jackson, Deal or No Deal’s Howie Mandel, and actress Shannen Doherty.

Agoraphobic (fear of public or open places)

• Famous actresses such as Marilyn Monroe, Kim Basinger, as well as singer Arethra Franklin.

Panophobic (fear of antique furniture)

• Billy Bob Thorton

  This famous actor once told Oprah of this odd fear. He attributed it to a possible past-life connection of being beat to death by an old chair.

Ovophobic (fear of eggs)

• Alfred Hitchcock

  Famous filmmaker known for his psychological thrillers.

Ailurophobics (fear of cats)

• Famous persons like Augustus Caesar, Roman Emperor Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great, French General Napoleon Bonaparte, King Henry III of France and Italian Dictator Benito Mussolini.

Eisoptrophobic (fear of mirrors)

• Pamela Anderson

  actress/model/celebrity

Entomophobia (fear of insects)

• Steven Spielberg

  Famous producer and director, known for films such as Jurassic Park, Jaws, E.T, Indiana Jones.

Lepidopterophobia (fear of butterflies)

• Nicole Kidman

  Famous actress, starring in films such as Moulin Rouge, The Hours, Cold Mountain

Swinophobia (fear of pigs)

• Orlando Bloom

  Famous actor, noted for his roles in Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean.

Acrophobia (fear of heights)

• Sheryl Crow

  Famous singer/songwriter and musician

REFERENCES:

Helpguide

Counseling

Phobias help

ABC News

Assoicated Content

Belfast telegraph

Top Tenz Net

Health Mad

• Forbidden love, overcoming barriers and differences

  Edward Cullen and Bella Swan are not meant to be in love. They must overcome barriers between the life of a vampire and a life of a ordinary girl living in Forks.

• Sacrifices

  In order for relationships to work, there has to be a an understanding of sacrifices or willingness to give part of yourself. For Bella, she will be in constant danger so long as she is around vampires, even the Cullen’s who control their natural eating habits. For Edward, he must fight the urge to harm Bella.

• Trust

  Relationships are built on trust. Edward promised Bella that he would control his natural urges as a vampire to drink her blood. Bella trusts him. They find strength in each other.

• Intrigue

  In successful relationships (old or new), you are always learning about the other person. That curiosity brings people closer together. Stephanie Meyer beautifully illustrates that between Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. Edward is curious about the color Bella likes, what she eats, relationship with her mom, etc. Of course, Bella is intrigued by Edward’s vampire habits.

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These are some ways to relieve some of the emotional symptoms victims may be feeling:

• Talk about feelings with family, friends and neighbors. Friends and family be of great support. Also it can be therapeutic providing and receiving support from neighbors, who are in the same situation.

• It is important to take a break from cleanup or other disaster-related chores for some relaxing activity.

• Get back into daily routines as soon as you get a sense of normalcy back into life.

• Maintain a healthy diet, get plenty of sleep and daily exercise.

• Reassure children that they are safe. Encourage them to talk about their fears; emphasize that they are not responsible for what happened; hold and hug them frequently.

• Receive support from mental health resources available through American Red Cross, LA Dept of Mental Health or their insurances such as Aetna, Kaiser.

Further Resources:

Helping Handbook(numbers and addresses to great resources)

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A specific phobia is an intense fear of something that is generally considered harmless. If you are exposed to the thing you’re afraid of, you become overwhelmed with extreme feelings of anxiety, fear, and even panic. This experience is so unpleasant that you will go to great lengths to avoid the object or situation you fear. The American Psychiatric Association reports that each year, 7.8% of American adults suffer from a phobia.

Signs and symptoms of phobia

• Shortness of breath or smothering sensation

• Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate

• Chest pain or discomfort

• Trembling or shaking

• Feeling of choking

• Sweating

• Nausea or stomach distress

• Feeling unsteady, dizzy, lightheaded, or faint

• Feelings of unreality or of being detached from yourself

• Fear of losing control or going crazy

• Fear of dying

• Numbness or tingling sensations

• Hot or cold flashes

• Fear of fainting

Types of phobias

• Specific phobias (common in childhood or adolescence an go away on their own)

  • Animal phobia= Fear caused by an animal or insect.

    Examples include fear of snakes (ophidophobia), of spiders (arachnophobia), of rodents (musophobia), of dogs (cynophobia)

  • Natural environment phobias=Fears cued by objects found in nature.

    Examples including fear of heights (acrophobia), of storms (brontophobia), of water (hydrophobia), and of darkness (myctophobia).

  • Situational phobia=fears triggered by a specific situation.

    Examples include fear of enclosed space (claustrophobia), of elevators (clautophobia), of flying (Pteromerhanophobia), of dentists, of driving, of tunnels, of bridges.

  • Blood-injection-injury phobia= involves fear of blood (hemophobia), or shots or another medical procedure.

  • Other phobias= Fear of choking (pnigophobia), of illness (hypochondria), of death, of clowns (coulrophobia).

• Social phobia

  Overwhelming and disabling fear of social situations where you would be evaluated negatively.

• Agoraphobia

  This is the fear of having panicky feelings in open places. A person with agoraphobia avoids places that can be associated with anxiety.

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1. Set boundaries on your worries

   Worry is a natural part of life, but it can be your whole life if it is allowed. It helps to pick a place and time to do your worrying. Spend 30 minutes thinking about your concerns and mostly about what you can do about them. Then let go of the worry and work towards your solution. Also balance your worry with hobbies and fun activities.

2. Relaxation techniques

   These may include muscle relaxation, yoga, or deep breathing. Muscle relaxation is simple. Start from your feet or your head and work your way though the body. Start by choosing a specific muscle and holding it tight for a few seconds. Then relax the muscle. Repeat this pattern.

3. Deep breathing exercises

   1. Lie down on a flat surface.

   2. Place one hand on your stomach, just above your navel. Place the other hand on your chest.

   3. Breathe in slowly and try to make your stomach rise a little.

   4. Hold your breath for a second.

   5. Breathe out slowly and let your stomach go back down.

4. Regular exercise

   People who have anxiety often quit exercising. But exercise can give you a sense of well-being and help decrease feelings of anxiety. It does not have to be rigorous and can be as little as walking for 15 minutes a day to begin.

5. Get plenty of sleep

   Everyone requires a different amount of sleep. Most people require at least 7-8 hours of sleep/ a night before they get anxious and agitated.

6. Avoid alcohol and drug abuse

   It may seem that alcohol (especially being depressants) or drugs relax you. But in the long run they make anxiety worse and can cause more problems.

7. Avoid caffeine

   Caffeine is found in coffee, tea, soft drinks and chocolate. Caffeine is a stimulant so it may increase your sense of nervousness.

8. Confront things that have made you anxious in the past

   Begin by just picturing yourself confronting these things. By doing this, you can get used to the idea of confronting the things that make you anxious before you actually do it. After you feel more comfortable picturing yourself confronting these things, you can begin to actually face them.

9. Use medicine if it helps

   Your doctor may give you medicine to help reduce your anxiety while you learn new ways to respond to the things that make you anxious. Consult with your doctor on which medications would be the best for you.

10. Talk about your anxiety with a health professional.

    Your doctor can help you make a plan to cope with anxiety. Counseling can also help you learn to express your needs and wants so you can feel more in control.

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