Posts under ‘Relationships’

Marriage is a huge commitment and change for individuals’ lives. These are five values that are necessary for a successful marriage.

• Validating one another

  This is to listen, acknowledge and accept one another’s thoughts and feelings.

• Respecting one another

  This is always treating others as you want to be treated. It is the basis of trust.

• Communicating

  Open and honest communication is very important. Two individuals will never agree on everything so it is important to dialogue, come to a compromise, or educate one another.

• Include your siblings.

  It is important to maintain family harmony, as well as having the opportunity to discuss roles and responsibilities that will be shared.

• Discuss parent’s wishes.

  It is important to talk to your parents about their wishes. These include medical wishes (advanced health care directives), long-term care choices, etc.

• Help your parents assess their health.

  Talk to a professional to determine where they are physically, emotionally and mentally.

• Review options.

  Consider multiple options and backup plans.

• Financing.

  Research social security and medicare, as well as other sources of income.

1. Have a problem-solving attitude.

   Be honest about your agenda and work to find solutions/compromise.

2. Avoid hurt and criticism.

   There is no recanting harmful words. They can be permanent wounds.

3. Learn to vent feelings appropriately.

   Storing up feelings is like a volcano waiting to erupt. Understanding how to cope can help you deal with issues that come up.

4. No assumptions.

   Even though you may know the person, you should not assume things. It is each partner’s responsibility to express your wants and needs directly, clearly, and respectfully.

• Time.

  Establish a good time to talk over issues.

• Topic.

  Remain on one topic until it has been resolved.

• Respect.

  Avoid criticizing, belittling, judging your partner.

• Compromise.

  Work hard in making decisions acceptable to both parties.

• Outlook.

  State what your goals are not what you don’t want.

• Focus.

  Stay focused, respectful and concentrate on problem-solving.

• Now.

  Stay away from the past. Remain focused on the present.

• Ask.

  If there is something you need or want, ask for it. Avoid demanding for it or not voicing it.

• Negotiate.

  Be prepared to offer you partner something in return for them to give you what you want. It must be a balance. Both must feel they are benefiting from the relationship.

• Educate.

  Don’t wait for your partner to help you. Instead, show them how they can help you.

• Self-monitor.

  Monitor what you are doing that is working or inhibiting the relationship.

• Reinforce.

  Always reinforce efforts and accomplishments of your partner.

1. Use “I” statements.

   Rather than you make me mad, take responsibility by saying, “I am mad.”

2. Journaling.

   Take time to write down issue or problem before it explodes. This helps to slow the building of tension and clarify the problem, making it easier to problem solve.

3. No drama.

   Being dramatic can only escalate the situation. Talk in a straightforward manner.

4. Calm.

   Each partner should take ownership in calming themselves.

5. Pick your battles.

   Find what is worth fighting for. Is it worth fighting over the keys that were left on the table by accident versus how you much the other partner is spending?

1. Stay in the present moment.

   Past cannot be changed. If you cannot let go of the past, your partner will give up because he/she may think whatever he/she does will not make a difference.

2. Do not go to sleep after argument..

   unless it is resolved. It is also important not to argue in bed or in the dark.

3. Mutual decision to walk away.

   Make a mutual decision to walk away and cool down if needed.

4. Be mindful of your body language.

   Finger pointing is often condescending. People pay attention to how your message is delivered rather than the words themselves.

Every couple, no matter how close they are can get into a fight. It is important to bear in mind that fights or arguments are ways in which couples try to want to make the other person understand how they are feeling. Disagreements can come up so it is important to keep in mind rules so that out of there is a resolution.

1. No threats.

   Threats do not help resolve the problem. It is important to stay focused on the issue(s).