Assertiveness is about making your needs and requests known without stepping on the needs of others in the process. Assertiveness is an essential life characteristic that ensures your rights are protected and your needs are met.
However, many people fail to master the art of assertiveness, and either become too aggressive or too timid to interact with others in a healthy fashion. This article will define what assertiveness is and how to use it to your advantage in life.
Assertive, Aggressive or Timid?
There are three basic ways that individuals interact with those around them:
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Aggressiveness – This mode of interaction involves bullying others into letting you have your way. It does not regard the feelings or opinions of others in the process. There are people who believe that the only way to get what you want out of life is to be aggressive. However, aggressiveness does not build positive relationships, and in extreme cases, it may even incorporate threats or violence to get one’s way.
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Timidity – On the other far end of the spectrum is timidity. This approach to relationships usually involves sitting back and letting everyone else have their way, but at the expense of your own rights and interests. The underlying purpose is to avoid conflict, but instead of raising conflict with others, it often creates internal conflict and resentment because your needs and opinions are never addressed.
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Assertiveness – Assertiveness is based on mutual respect, which assumes that everyone’s rights are equal, and the best approach to conflict of any kind is compromise. When you master the art of assertiveness, you earn the respect of those around while building positive interpersonal relationships. Assertiveness requires the honest communication of one’s opinions, and feelings and it doesn’t come naturally to everyone.
It is fairly clear that the optimal approach to interpersonal relationships is one based on assertiveness. In fact, there are numerous benefits to taking an assertive attitude in life.
Benefits of Assertiveness
When you are effectively assertive, you do not allow others to walk all over you, nor do you tread on the rights and feelings of others. The benefits of assertiveness are many and may include:
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Improved communication between people
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Higher self-esteem as you learn to communicate your needs and opinions
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Earned respect from those around you
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Better decision making skills as you learn to assess situations more accurately
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Better understanding of your own feelings and opinions
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More honest relationships with those around you
Assertiveness is good for your relationships and good for your own mental and social health. However, for some, assertiveness is not as easy as it sounds. If assertiveness does not come naturally to you, we have tips to help you develop a more assertive attitude.
Developing Assertiveness
Some people are naturally more assertive, while others must fight the tendency toward aggressiveness or timidity. If you fall into the latter category, we have a few tips to guide you to the middle of the assertiveness scale:
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Know Yourself – Before you can assert your values and opinions, you must know what they are. Take some time to get to know yourself, and gain a solid understanding of your personal beliefs so you are ready to assert and defend them when the situation arises.
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Know How to Communicate – Basic communication skills like making eye contact and speaking clearly will go a long way in getting your views across to another person. If you need to improve in this area, practice with a trusted friend until you feel comfortable with your communication abilities.
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Know How to Say No – If timidity is your problem, no is probably rarely in your vocabulary. Begin to practice this small word until it feels more comfortable to you.
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Control Your Emotions – Unlike aggressive personalities, assertive people know how to state their views calmly and rationally. It can be done – with plenty of practice and patience.
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Begin Low Risk – When you are ready to put your new assertiveness skills to use, try them out in a safe environment, like with a trusted friend or family member. When you see success, you can work toward a more challenging situation.
Assertiveness is the cornerstone of success in both professional and personal relationships. It is important to be able to stand up for yourself in a healthy way, whether you are getting a raw deal at a retail outlet or getting taken advantage of by a co-worker. When you have a firm understanding of your personal beliefs, rights and opinions, and can communicate those beliefs to others, you have achieved the characteristics of a healthy, happy and assertive person.
