There may be more written on the art of dealing with difficult people than all other social and psychological issues put together. That is because managing relationships with these sorts of folks, whether in our personal or professional lives, is downright – well, difficult! If you have a less than amicable person in your own life that you must learn to live with, we have 10 tips for making the situation a bit more tolerable.
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Take Control
When you allow the difficult person to affect your mood, you are giving them control of the situation. Consider the fact that the other person is probably not spending a lot of time or energy worrying about your behavior – or even your reaction to him. Don’t give him that much power in your life either. Take your thoughts captive and shift them to a more positive focus.
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Avoid the Personal
When we are faced with a difficult person, our tendency is to take the situation personally. However, if you take the time to observe this person’s behavior with others, you will more than likely find that his behavior is fairly consistent with everyone. Instead of taking it personally, determine that his external behavior is reflective of his own internal state. In other words, the problem is his, not yours.
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“Me” vs. “You” Mentality
When someone insults us or treats us rudely, the situation immediately takes on a “me vs. you” mentality. However, there do not have to be winners or losers – unless you intentionally decide to fight instead of walking away. You will find it is much easier to focus your attention elsewhere when you refuse to engage in the first place.
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Fight or Flight?
This is a physiological response to a stressful situation, that either involves fighting it out to the finish or fleeing the scene. Only you can decide if it is necessary to stand up for your position, or turn and walk the other way. Either way, the increased heart rate and rapid breathing can be attributed to your physiological response to the situation, and they will return to normal if you give yourself time to calm down.
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Have a Chat
If you determine that a talk is in order, state your position calmly, without attacking the other person. Using “I” statements will help you focus on how his behavior makes you feel, rather than sounding accusatory. Give the person the benefit of the doubt when you begin – maybe he truly doesn’t realize the impact his words and behavior have on others.
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Use Humor
A sense of humor is an absolute gift in situations like this one. However, don’t use your humor in a hurtful way, such as making nasty, sarcastic responses to his statements or behaviors. If used correctly, gentle humor may alert the person to his difficult behavior without embarrassing him or causing and unwanted confrontation.
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Change Your Focus
When we focus on a negative situation, it affects our very quality of life. Instead of focusing on the individual or his behavior whenever you are together, shift your attention to other things. It might be a certain task at work or other people in the room. When you take attention away from the difficulty, it may seem much easier to manage.
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Avoid Complaining
One of the worst ways to deal with a difficult person is by complaining about him to others. Instead of venting your frustration, this act often serves to escalate it. This is particularly true if you are complaining to your boss, where you run the risk of getting labeled the office whiner who can’t play nicely with others. Ouch.
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Count to 10
When someone treats you badly, the gut instinct is to lash out in response. When you take the time to calm down before responding to a difficult individual, you will be less likely to regret your actions in the long run. Take a breath and count to 10 before you decide how you will react.
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Try Empathy
Sometimes it helps to put yourself in the other person’s shoes if you want to understand the motivation behind the action. Consider how the actions of others might have affected his attitude. Developing empathy may help you treat that person with compassion rather than malice.
Difficult people are a constant in our lives, but we can learn to deal with them more effectively. With these tips, you can transform nearly any challenging relationship into one governed by peace, if not harmony.
