Anger is a natural human response to situations that are deemed unfair or beyond our control. It is both emotional and physiological in nature, causing measurable physical symptoms like increased heart rate and blood pressure. Anger also makes us tense, irritable and unable to deal with others calmly and rationally.
While a little anger is good and normal, frequent bursts of uncontrolled anger may signify you have an anger management problem. Dive into these tips to help you keep your cool the next time you feel your blood pressure starting to rise.
Take a Break
Giving yourself a timeout when you feel the anger welling is a smart way to immediately detach from the situation before you unleash your emotions on someone else. Simply walk away from the imminent circumstances and don’t return until you feel sufficiently calm to do so.
Practice Deep Breathing
Anger literally makes our “blood boil” by raising our blood pressure, heart rate and temperature. When you breathe deeply and slowly, you can effectively reverse those physiological responses to anger by calming your body from the inside out.
Put it in Perspective
Many of us respond to challenging situations almost automatically, with anger flaring before we put the problem into the correct perspective. Sometimes simply asking how important the current situation will be a week, month or year from now is sufficient for reducing an angry reaction to it.
Get Moving
One of the best ways to combat anger is to sweat it off with exercise. Physical activity releases “feel good” endorphins that naturally calm the mind and body so anger cannot get out of control. Get out and walk, run or take a bike ride. In addition to the benefits you receive from the physical activity, the fresh air may clear your head and calm your emotions.
Think before You Speak
When we are angry, we often say things to others in our anger that we regret later. Remember when your mom used to tell you to “count to 10″ before speaking? It is still one of the best bits of advice you will ever receive. If you think before you speak, you won’t have to go back later and make an apology and amends.
Call on Humor
It’s hard to fume when you are laughing, so try to find the humor in a difficult situation rather than getting mad about it. Laughing release stress hormones from the body and naturally relaxes muscle tension. However, avoid sarcasm when you are angry, since it is often used to hurt others in tense situations. Instead, make a choice to laugh at yourself, so that others will laugh along with you.
Use Relaxation Techniques
Meditation, visualization and deep breathing are all good relaxation tools that can diffuse a potentially tense situation. Find a quiet spot, close your eyes and picture yourself in a calm beautiful place. Or simply recite a short phrase such as, “I am feeling calm,” over and over until it finally becomes a reality. It may only take a few minutes for you to get a handle on your anger so you can deal with the problem constructively.
Use “I” Communication
When communicating your anger to others, stick with “I” statements like, “I feel upset when you don’t help with the dishes,” rather than “You never do the dishes.” When you focus on your feelings about a situation, you avoid making accusations at the other person. This allows you to work together to find a solution without either person getting angry or defensive.
Practice Self Talk
Self talk is a common tool used in psychology to adjust unrealistic expectations or perspectives. When you begin to dwell on how difficult a situation is, try changing your self talk to reflect a less dire circumstance. Avoid using absolutes like “never” or “always” that might make you feel more justified in your anger than you really need to be. Tell yourself instead, “This situation is frustrating right now, but I can find a solution to the problem.” Your entire perspective may change.
One thing most experts do not recommend when dealing with anger is venting your frustrations. While it may feel good to yell or punch your pillow in the short term, these actions actually serve to escalate the angry feelings in most. It can be helpful to communicate your feelings in an assertive, constructive way, but yelling, complaining and chewing out others can make the problem worse. Instead, try some of the tips listed above to calm your mind, body and spirit and prepare to work through problems calmly and rationally until a solution is found.
