-
Have a problem-solving attitude.
Be honest about your agenda and work to find solutions/compromise.
-
Avoid hurt and criticism.
There is no recanting harmful words. They can be permanent wounds.
-
Learn to vent feelings appropriately.
Storing up feelings is like a volcano waiting to erupt. Understanding how to cope can help you deal with issues that come up.
-
No assumptions.
Even though you may know the person, you should not assume things. It is each partner’s responsibility to express your wants and needs directly, clearly, and respectfully.
Posts from ‘February, 2010’
5 more ways couples can argue fairly
7 ways couples can be clear in communicating what you want
-
Time.
Establish a good time to talk over issues.
-
Topic.
Remain on one topic until it has been resolved.
-
Respect.
Avoid criticizing, belittling, judging your partner.
-
Compromise.
Work hard in making decisions acceptable to both parties.
-
Outlook.
State what your goals are not what you don’t want.
-
Focus.
Stay focused, respectful and concentrate on problem-solving.
-
Now.
Stay away from the past. Remain focused on the present.
5 ways on how each person in a couple can get what they want
-
Ask.
If there is something you need or want, ask for it. Avoid demanding for it or not voicing it.
-
Negotiate.
Be prepared to offer you partner something in return for them to give you what you want. It must be a balance. Both must feel they are benefiting from the relationship.
-
Educate.
Don’t wait for your partner to help you. Instead, show them how they can help you.
-
Self-monitor.
Monitor what you are doing that is working or inhibiting the relationship.
-
Reinforce.
Always reinforce efforts and accomplishments of your partner.
3 more key values I saw at the Northern Trust Open
-
Adaptability
One day the golf course may have no wind, while another day there may be 10 mph winds. Although it is the same course, players must be flexible and adapt to new conditions.
-
Process is longer and more exciting rather than the end result
It is important to value the process, rather than the result. Dr. Joe Parent, author of Zen golf, said that if you focus on each shot and the process, the result will come.
5 key values I saw at the Northern Trust Open
-
Ability to recover
Golf is a challenging sport. One small mistake can make your ball go into the worst places. Successful professional golfers are not perfect players. However, they are able to recover quickly. Life is all about making mistakes, learning from them, and recovering.
-
Practice
I saw many professional golfers practice the morning of the tournament. After four hours of playing competitive golf, they head right back to the practice grounds. Practicing does make perfect.
-
Proper nutrition
As with any athletes, proper nutrition is a must. I constantly saw the golfers hydrating themselves and taking in healthy nutrients (banana, protein bars). This allows them to sustain a high performance level.
5 key values I saw at the Northern Trust Open
Recently I had the opportunity to go to the Northern Trust Open held at the Riviera Country Club in Pacific Palisades, CA. Here are five personal development tips that I witnessed at the tournament.
-
Good sportsmanship
Golf is a unique sport in that although you are individually competing against one another, you are also cheering each other on. It is really great to hear players commending other players on their great golf shots. Good sportsmanship can be applied to non-sports activities as well. At work or at home, working together, supporting each other, all are great values and can help you succeed.
5 more tips on how couples can argue fairly
-
Use “I” statements.
Rather than you make me mad, take responsibility by saying, “I am mad.”
-
Journaling.
Take time to write down issue or problem before it explodes. This helps to slow the building of tension and clarify the problem, making it easier to problem solve.
-
No drama.
Being dramatic can only escalate the situation. Talk in a straightforward manner.
-
Calm.
Each partner should take ownership in calming themselves.
-
Pick your battles.
Find what is worth fighting for. Is it worth fighting over the keys that were left on the table by accident versus how you much the other partner is spending?
5 additional ways couples can argue fairly
-
Stay in the present moment.
Past cannot be changed. If you cannot let go of the past, your partner will give up because he/she may think whatever he/she does will not make a difference.
-
Do not go to sleep after argument..
unless it is resolved. It is also important not to argue in bed or in the dark.
-
Mutual decision to walk away.
Make a mutual decision to walk away and cool down if needed.
-
Be mindful of your body language.
Finger pointing is often condescending. People pay attention to how your message is delivered rather than the words themselves.
5 ways couples can argue fairly
Every couple, no matter how close they are can get into a fight. It is important to bear in mind that fights or arguments are ways in which couples try to want to make the other person understand how they are feeling. Disagreements can come up so it is important to keep in mind rules so that out of there is a resolution.
-
No threats.
Threats do not help resolve the problem. It is important to stay focused on the issue(s).
5 more ways to stop using food as a coping mechanism
-
Be realistic and patient
It takes time working through emotions and implementing new positive coping mechanisms.
-
Focus on the positives
Give yourself credit for positive things in your life.
-
Identify triggers
Find out what thoughts, feelings, situations influence your eating.
-
Have a strong support system
Have a network of people with positive coping strengths around you.
-
Talk to your doctor
Talk to your doctor about positive eating habits and also medications that cause an increase in serotonin.
