How to help someone who is a domestic violence victim

Mar 19th, 2009

This is a continuation of the domestic blog series. First blog was on myths of domestic violence, while the second blog focused on the cycle of domestic violence. Today’s blog is on what to do if you know someone who is a domestic violence victim.

Establish rapport so that the victim is comfortable talking.

The conversation will be a difficult and sensitive one.
If you have a close relationship, don’t be afraid of bringing up the subject.

Let the victim know of your concerns and that you care for him/her. Say what you see is happening and how you want to help. Explain that physical violence in a relationship is never acceptable. There’s no excuse for it- not alcohol, financial pressure, etc.
Let him/her know he/she is not alone.

Millions of women, men, different age and religion face abuse.
Acknowledge that he/she’s in a very difficult situation.

Let him/her know that it’s no their fault that he/she is being battered. If you are comfortable encourage them to express feelings of hurt or anger or humiliation. Remind them that the batterer, not the victim is responsible for the abuse.
Don’t buy into the denial.

If he/she refuses to acknowledge that they are in a dangerous situation, let them know that you are concerned for their safety.
Respect the right to make their own decisions.

Acknowledge their decisions. Don’t start with what you think you should do, or insist that the victim follow your plan.
However, emphasize that help is available.

Offer shelters and national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (1-800-799-SAFE).
Educate victim on the cycle of violence.

Domestic violence tends to get worse and more frequent. Also explain that domestic violence is a crime.