What are the myths vs. realities of Domestic Violence

All to frequently the media bombards us with news about a high-profile domestic violence cases (most recently Rihanna and boyfriend Chris Brown). It brings to plain view the harsh reality of domestic violence. According to a National Violence Against Women Survey, 22 percent of women are physically assaulted by a partner or date during their lifetime, resulting in two million injuries and 1,300 deaths. The statistics are daunting. Nearly 25 percent of women have been raped and/or physically assaulted by an intimate partner during their lives. 15.4 percent of gay men, 11.4 percent of lesbians and 7.7 percent of heterosexual men, are assaulted by a date or intimate partner during their lives. More than 1 million women and 371,000 men are stalked by partners each year.

Here are some of the myths debunked:

Myth: Domestic violence is just a momentary loss of temper.

Truth: It is the opposite. The batterer makes a conscious decision to batter. It is an ongoing technique used by the batterer to enforce control through the use of fear.
Myth: Domestic violence only happens in poor families.

Truth: It occurs in all levels of society. Any income level occupation, social class, or culture.
Myth: Domestic violence is just an occasional slap or punch and it isn’t serious.

Truth: Victims are often seriously injured. Over 30% of women seeking care in hospital ER’s are because they have been injured by their domestic partners.
Myth: Heads of households have the right to control the people they support.

Truth: No partner in a domestic relationship has the right to control the partner. Healthy relationships are based on trust, not control.
Myth: Victim can always walk away from the relationship.

Truth: Victims usually do not have any place to go where they will be safe from the batterer. Because of ongoing history, the batterer knows all of the victims options. Batterer takes money, takes the support system away to ensure victim cannot escape and also has a psychological hold on the victim.
Myth:If the batterer is truly sorry and promises to reform, the abuse is going to stop.

Truth: Remorse or begging for forgiveness are part of the method used by batterers to control their victims. Batterers rarely stop.
Myth: If the violent episodes don’t happen very often the situation is not that serious.

Truth: Even if the violence doesn’t happen often, the threat of it remains as a terrorizing means of control. No matter how far apart the violent episodes are, each one is a reminder of the one that happened before and creates fear of the one that will happen in the future.
Myth: Victims have the types of personalities that seek out and encourage abuse.

Truth: A number of studies have determined that there is no set of personality traits that describe victims of domestic violence. It is the batterer who is responsible for battering, not the victim.